


I want to know what love is,

by Lady_Risa_Targaryean_Stark (Serendipityruki17)



Category: Vinland Saga (Manga)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, Cuties, Development, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Post 161, might be rated mature later, russian adventures, what happen in the last two years
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21666967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serendipityruki17/pseuds/Lady_Risa_Targaryean_Stark
Summary: Post chapter 161,  Takes place right after the confession. How Thorfinn got to loving Gudrid.  This is the story of what happened in the  last two years, and how Thorfinn and Gudrid relationship developed from where we saw them last.  The development of Thorfinn finding out what love is, and how he came to love Gudrid.
Relationships: Gudrid/Thorfinn (Vinland Saga)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	I want to know what love is,

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This was something I wanted to write for a long time, it made me so sad to know we wouldn't get Thorfinn finding out what love is, and how he and Gudrid got together. So hence, this story is for those two gorgeous lovebirds and how their love develop to the stage they are now.   
> And yes the title refers to the song, which much like Vinland Saga, I don't own at all. 
> 
> Sorry about this chapter guys, but please bare with angst a bit I promise to make it up later.

**Takes place right in/after the confession**

* * *

"Murderer or scoundrel…wars or no wars," she replies not a single falter in Gudrid's words , her expression serious as her eyebrows hunched forward, but her brown gentle eyes that burn with a hidden wanderlust and fiery passion never left his own.

Thorfinn stood frozen in place. Part of him truly thought all this must be a dream. He didn't know how to act, what to even say! His face flared spreading all over his face, his own emotion buzzing in him. To say he was surprised and deeply flattered is an understatement. He's faced countless of people in battle, has been in deadly almost impossible situations.Yet- here he is palms sweaty, heart beating in a way he couldn't quite remember it ever have beaten before-His stomach churning as if he wanted to be far away from here and also close to her at the same time, and worse he was shock, almost even terrified.

Terrified of what this all meant. What it could mean? Did he dare himself to even think of what ifs- Thorfinn stops that train of thoughts, his mind focusing on what Gudrid was saying. Here's it comes, here's the moment after he told her he can't give her happiness, that he was nothing but a scoundrel- look at the mess he got her in here- she almost died. She'll tell him he's right. He's no good for anyth-

"I don't care about that …," her words hit him like an arrow to his chest, quick, direct, sharp. " Just do you like me?"

She doesn't care?

Just when he thought he couldn't be more surprised by this sail loving passionate and courageous woman in front of him- Gudrid once again shocked him.

She does that. She's unpredictable and bold- and she's waiting for an answer, Thorfinn reminds himself, because this wasn't the moment for his thoughts to get away from him. Though her cheeks were flush in a strong hue of red, much like his, Gudrid still stood firmly there waiting for an answer.

_Just do you like me?_

_Like me?_

Does he like her?

"I-," Thorfinn starts, still lost for words, cause what kind of question was that?

Of course he likes her! But this is all so sudden and the guilt of his past still plagues him. What Gudrid is suggestion- is something more. He knows that…it's it's….L…o…V…E?

_You're at the age to get married_ \- Ylva words echo in the back of his mind.

M – M—M-Marr-IA-GE?

He shivered involuntarily, as his mind just couldn't process it. Because what is marriage? Doesn't that mean …. Him and Gudrid will- he pictures himself kissing her and his palms sweat more, his heart accelerates - and …and more-

WAIT! Wait wait wait-

He chokes abruptly as the thought hits him. He blushes further, distress, shaken. He quickly reverts back to now and here-

Gudrid still stood there clutching hard onto her clothes that her knuckles pop. She waits. Her eyes begging and seeking an answer.

"I…I like you," Thorfinn admits, because it's true. He did that wasn't a lie. She was funny, beautiful even, full of life- everything that he didn't feel he was. A scoundrel, a criminal that ended so many lives. – She was like a ray of sunlight expanding over the horizon, and him. She surprise him and he enjoyed her company ever since she tagged along. It was something like a flower after a long winter. 

She didn't look at him like the others that knew about his past. She looked at him as if she never once judge him for what he was in the past. As If he was a hero.

"You like me!" Gudrid fingers unclench. "Really!" The worry in her eyes suddenly replaced with surprise.

Thorfinn closes his eyes, he can't look at her now. He nodded and continued. "I like you but I…..I can't"

Can't be the man you need?

Can't make you happy…..?

You'll only be in danger with me?

I'm not worthy of your love…?

"C-can't?" Gudrid broken voice in a whisper reach him. "What do you mean can't?"

"I'm sorry, you deserve someone who can make you happy," Opening his eyes, Thorfinn felt like the biggest piece of shit in history. Just kill him, he turn his back to her "I'm sorry- Gudrid." His own words felt like being stabbed.

She deserves better! She deserves better, because even he didn't know what love was. Did he love her? . He's never been in love before how is he supposed to know how to make her happy. He doesn't want to hurt her more.

"Let's go back," he barely even manages to utter.

They don't speak on their way back, silent as a grave- but Thorfinn felt it. Felt how everything was wrong, like he wanted to bury himself right in this spot and not come back.

He couldn't even look back, but one step forward to the top of the hill and he realize two things. One Siggy ship was gone and…two Gudrid had just sniffled behind him.

He couldn't help it, he looked back.

Gudrid fully ran past him now to the ship. The tears were rolling but she didn't want him to see, although he did. He felt awful. From the short distance Thorfinn saw Hild's eyes narrow towards his direction as she cleaned her crossbow.

"AYE CONGRATULATIONS! I totally knew it was going to happen! I I swear I even called it, I was like Thorfinn and Gudrid have a thing for each other –" Full eyes suddenly side wrapped his arms around Thorfinnn in surprise as he was getting nearer to the ship. " It must be that narwhal magic in me-" It was only until now that Full Eyes register the scenario as his smile fades . " Ah….so she wasn't just…..crying happy tears just now… you didn't-......OH!"

Thorfinn looked down just shaking his head, his voice almost monotone. "Are we ready to sail, we should go."

He couldn't express how sorry he felt, how low. 

The ship departed and Gudrid sat at the furthest corner not making eye contact with anyone, and in silence they sailed on in even more prolong silence…. No one talking, and even Karli was particularly silent that night.

What type of monster was he, he hated this.

Carrying Karli in his arms now, as everyone slept, Thorfinn knew there was no way he could sleep.

"It can't go on like this," He spoke to the watchful baby in his arm. " But what was I supposed to tell her? That I do like her, a lot- that the thought of liking someone like that is so new to me that I don't know what to do? What is love is it just kissing and-," Thorfinn stops himself suddenly as Karli's mama at the distance bark in warning. "and…stuff." Thorfinn sighs in defeat " I have only known war and death for so long. How can I make her happy Karli… how can _I_ make her happy."

Karli yawn in response, such a small response, but Thorfinn had missed seeing Karli yawn and fade to slumber… just staring as this boy in his arm. He would do anything for him. He couldn't imagine a world without him anymore… his eyes dart to the sleeping form of Gudrid at the farthest side of the ship.

"agaidyoop," Karli cooed in response.

"You're right Karli, this can't go on like this. I have to tell her the full truth."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> AH forgive me for this angsty chapter! but don't worry I'll make it better :) Stick around and see.   
> Feel Free to join our server for Gudrid and Thorfinn <3 with this link : http://discord.gg/wnkqBaX, also on tumblr (yexy-ackerbondjaegers17) and twitter ( yesroslc17)


End file.
